No sir, I don't just write 'love' stories!

A love story - A real one this time!!

Date: Feb 7th 2005
Event: Reading a blog on Sulekha.
Line Read: In Response to the blog posted on February 6th...

February 6th...February 6th? A very familiar date. What was it? What was it? No birthday's of anyone I knew in Feb so what was it? That's when it hit me. The most significant day of my life. 6 years ago. As decked in all bridal finery I had said 'Qubool Hain' to the Qazi's question.

6 years.

"But Z___ Aunty why don't you get married on Valentine's day?" my to-be-niece had asked me.

I had laughed it away. I wanted to tell her. I just want to get married to her maamu. Does not matter which date!

From Z___ Aunty I went to being her Chote Maami. For 6 years now.

Holding hands - We have stayed apart from each other for almost 5 years in this period. Meeting on weekends that is. Every single weekend without fail. Was that in any way could be responsible for how we feel towards each other? That the both of us are already missing each other as we hold hands when I drop him off at the airport. Then comes Thursday and we are like small kids unable to contain the excitement. Holding hands all the way back home. Holding hands through it all!

All these years of marriage has thrown up some facts for me. The foremost being that once you are married, everything that happens to you happens jointly. It has an effect on the both of you. There is no more, I can deal with this thing going on. The other person is involved/affected whether you like it or not. Another thing is that you could never be as comfortable or as close to a person as you are to your spouse. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your children and not your friends. No wonder marriage is given such importance. It deserves it. It can so easily make or break a person. A good marriage can have such positive influence on your life. You could pay more attention to things that interest you rather than paying all your attention in getting the marriage to work or fuming over it. I think one should work as much as possible to make a marriage work, but if it does not, then better get out of it. No sense in staying and killing everything inside you in the bargain. Better to be single and have a chance at some sort of peace rather than be married and never be happy about it. But to be married and to be happy and in love at the same time[with the same person too ;-)] - nothing can beat it!

My husband remains the most important thing in my life. Everything else revolves around him. The first one I call when I am down or on top of the world. The first one I communicate my successes or failures to. The first one I call to crib about how unfair life is or how wonderful it is. There was once a time when we had fought and were not on pally-pally terms with each other. The same day I received a Bravo Award which is like an appreciation award each month. I did not enjoy one moment of it because I could not call him. Could not share it with him. After coming back from the ceremony I decided I was being stupid and mailed him the good news. His one word reply was Congrats. I smiled. I knew his heart was swelling with pride and he was very, very happy and it must have taken a monumental effort on his part not to put that out. But I could sense it. Sometimes words are not needed. Not even a look. Feelings are enough.

Another thing I have learnt in the course of my innings is that you need to compromise. Compromise on a lot of things. In the beginning this seems very hard, but as time passes, it becomes second nature. Also, the person appreciates your compromise and becomes more understanding and sensitive about it. There have been things that I have said to myself I will never be able to understand. But I have. Same goes for him. He has understood. The result? I try to be better at some things, he tries not to do things that he knows will get on my nerves. As for things that cannot be changed, well why the effort when they obviously cannot be changed? So we let them be. Working around them. Working despite them. Who benefits? He, me, our marriage, our children, our familes...not a bad deal is it?

I had heard people saying we need our space before I was married and wondering what it was all about. Why would you need space from a person you are madly in love with? Wouldn't you want to be with them always? The answer is No. Have you ever heard of the saying Too much of a good thing is bad. I swear by it. It is very important to pursue things that are close to heart and not just spend your entire time mooning over the person you love. I feel that no relationship can sustain that. Giving space and time for the other person to breathe as important as breathing itself. Time for friends, for family, for interests etc. It never fails to rejuvenate a relationship.

Opposites attract is a term coined for love. I do not know if I agree with that. If there are too many things that are different then things become harder. There has to be some common ground. Something that the both of you enjoy. Even an episode of the 70s show would do. I have been lucky in the regard that many of our things match. Right from the way we think to the way we approach problems to the kind of movies we enjoy. True, he can never understand my taste for Sad Movies but at the same time both of us can laugh together at Govinda's antics. Remember when we used to live in OH all by ourselves we would go watch a Hindi Movie every weekend. More than the movie we'd enjoy watching the desi's and rating couples. No prizes for guessing who was rated topmost!!

Last but not the least comes laughter. Luckily he has a sense of humor that is legendary. He can make you laugh in any kind of situation. That is one reason I can never stay mad at him. 15 minutes into it and I'll be laughing my guts off as he would say to me, just tell me why you are trying so hard not to laugh! It is very difficult to stay mad at a person who could make you laugh. There have been so many times when we'd be in the middle of a disagreement and one of us would burst out laughing over something and would keep saying - I know I am laughing, but I am serious. Both of us are laughing now!

I realize that though we have come a long way there are numerous challenges ahead. Bringing up kids, finances, family tensions, dreams, situations - a lot of things that could test the strength of our relationship. Marriage is not something that you work hard on and then sit back and enjoy. You need to keep working on it. Maybe not as hard but still work on it. I look at things before me and looking at the things behind me and looking at who is standing next to me I know one thing is going to take us through it all, God willing. Love.

posted by Fizo @ 1:01 PM